What Happens When They Get Older

I have two daughters, ages 11 and 7.  First of all, that statement alone is a bit surreal.  Am I really so old that my kids are 11 and 7???  For me, most of my childhood memories seem to begin consistently from age 7 on, so lately I find that I compare their experiences to my own.  And wow - things are different, aren't they?  Times were certainly simpler (cliché, I know) and I was so naïve at 11.  My 11-year-old constantly amazes me with her savviness.  I am seeing big changes in her, too.  Changes I am not ready for.  Because life is so busy, something will catch me off guard and smack me in the face and I realize she is growing up right in front of me.

For example, she had a get-away trip with her Dad and sister this past weekend.  (Several dads have been taking the girls on quarterly camp outs since the kids were Kindergardeners and keep the trips going).  I was overseeing their packing, making sure they didn't forget essentials like toothbrushes or underwear - the stuff they would easily make do without, even thought it would drive me crazy.  My oldest was packed and I noticed her bunny doll on her bed.

"You forgot to pack Bunny."

"Oh, I'm not taking it."

I freeze and stare at her as if she just told me she was going to give away her iTouch (the most prized possession for any 11-year-old).

"What?  But you always take Bunny.  You never sleep without it."

"Mom, I haven't done that for about a month.  YOU keep putting it on my bed when you come in my room."

"Oh, okay.  I didn't realize that."

2002 First night in her Big Bed.
(Brown Bunny is on the right. It looks so new and fluffy in this picture.)

As I walked away I found myself tearing up.  She has been sleeping with that doll since she was three and got her "Big Girl Bed."  My Step Mother, Susan, who died after a long battle with cancer before my daughter's first birthday and whom I miss every day, gave it to her when she was a baby.  I have always loved that of all the playthings to choose from, THAT doll was the one that became her bedtime lovey.

"When [someone] loves you for a long,
long time, not just to play with, but REALLY
loves you, then you become Real." 

She literally couldn't go to sleep without it.  Once when she was four we stayed at a Galveston hotel.  After we had checked out and drove off, she realized it had been left in the sheets in the room.  We turned around to have housekeeping find it in the laundry - there was no choice!  It has gone to summer camp with her every year.  It was always in her backpack on trips, close at-hand.  Whenever she was upset about something I would find her clutching the doll close to her for comfort.  It was her most-loved toy, like The Velveteen Rabbit.

All weekend I walked past her room and saw the lonely bunny on her bed and then start to tear up again.  How can she be away and not want her bunny?  When did this happen?  It's like all of a sudden she's changed from being my little girl to my big girl and I had no idea.  That's what happens when they get older.

But I've still been putting Bunny on her bed when I notice it on the floor.  I can't help it.  It is probably one of those things she rolls her eyes about (just because that's also what happens when they get older).  But she still lets me do it, and so I do.  Because that's also what happens when they get older.